One of the last big unknowns that comes with my experience with chemotherapy was the hair. I never wondered IF it would come out, but wondered when & how it would come out. Last night before bed I gave it my ritualistic tug and was surprised to have a handful of hair. It didn't hurt and it didn't leave a bald spot... but it definitely wasn't normal.
I went to bed wondering what to do. I knew I didn't want to let it fall out on it's own. I've talked to too many friends who have been through it and the advice to shave it was something I was definitely going with. Tonight we talked to the boys and decided that sooner would be better than later, so we set up the barber shop in the bathroom and went to work.
Ryan took the first swipe. He didn't get much but thought it was pretty cool. Zach was our official photographer (you may get to see those someday). They were both interested in helping for about 45 seconds and then it was old news. I knew at that point that they weren't too traumatized by the whole thing, kind of a relief to have them climbing in the tub and touching things they shouldn't... just like any other stay in my bathroom for them. Michael finished up and he did a great job. I didn't even sense any revenge for the haircuts that I've tried to give him over the years. :)
Ryan's first comment was "Mom, you look pretty"... soon followed by "Mom, you look crazy". Zach was full of hugs and immediately wanted me to try on my wig. I think he's been curious about that since the first time he saw it. Michael was a great supporter, as always. He even mentioned that my head wasn't as oddly shaped as we suspected it might be. As funny as it sounds, he knew I needed to hear it. One of the big fears I had was wondering what this head would look like with nothing to cover it up! Overall, all 3 of my boys helped me realize that this was another part of the journey... no freaking out - we just did it together and it was okay. After we finished, we cleaned up & tucked the boys in just like any other night. A true example of how our "normal" has changed over the past month!
Now I'm trying on my hats & learning to tie scarves & bandanas. I'm glad that one more unknown isn't a mystery any longer. I do miss my hair and I'm not going to pretend that I'm completely okay with this new look. It will be fine and I'll figure it out... to put Ryan's thoughts together, tonight I just feel like I look pretty crazy.
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9 comments:
Dear Allen Fam,
What a touching beautiful memory you have just created together. The best thing we can possibly give our children are good memories and our time. Your children won't remember everything from this period but I bet they will remember that. You are molding two men that will one day have their own families. They will remember dad sticking by their mom's side when she needed him the most. And mom's courage through all of this. Being included is to be accepted and feel loved. Jen you have just included your 3 men in your journey and that is what makes this such a beautiful memory. "Bald is beautiful!" Thanks for sharing and lots of love, Chris
I LOVE this story! But, I really gotta quit reading this blog at work.
Hope your day is wonderful. It's fasting day, so you are especially on my mind and in my prayers today.
Deuces Lumpy!
Love you-Michelle
Well you know what they say, "The family that shaves together..." Now you can be that exotic woman with the scarves. I think I should send over my red wigs to spice up your day and scare Michael a little.
Remember this too shall pass.
Take care of you and remember I love you more than life itself.
aunt danne
What a beautiful memory. Thanks for sharing! I bet you are just beautiful! You have got to be the strongest person I know! and yes, Bald is Beautiful just like I know you are! Love~Becca
I'd like to offer up a photo shoot - if you want to - and we can find the time to get together on a weekend - I'd love to document this for you, your family, and those to follow you in this situation - of course, up to you. Your blog helped me to remember why you were my big sis, why I treasured our friendship so much, why I looked up to you in all your beauty, and why I love you... Leah
Jennifer, isn't that HUGE? JUST HUGE!!! It was for me anyway, after I accomplished that, I could concentrate on really getting well. I feel you got the biggest part of this journey behind you now. As you know I have my 3 boys too, and they were right there as well. Boys are so kind to their mothers! You did it girl, and you are soooo brave, more than you will ever know. We learn alot about ourselves during this journey and you are AWESOME! and you will win this and come out a stronger person because of it. Remember that our hair regulates our body temp. and you may be hot one min. and going bald and have the warm hat on the next because you are freezing. It feels like hot flashes!!!! I am here, Dana Tinley
Hi, this is Kelly...Betty Clark's daughter-in-law (Travis' wife). I just read this and thought "oh, what a beautiful love story." your story has touched me ever since Travis received the call from Betty a few weeks ago. One thought I had when reading this post is...isn't the only "normal" a setting on a washing machine? this chapter in your life will show you many things and it will grow you like no other. You have such a loving support system and it amazes me the love Michael has for you...pretty rare but so awesome! Love, from the Clarks We are praying for you our Sister in Christ! PS. I bet your hair will grow back healthier & more beautiful than ever!!! ;)
Hi, Jennifer! I am a friend of Mike Allen's and I just wanted to say your new look is AMAZING! I want you to know that I think you have an awesome family and support system and a wonderful attitude towards your treatment. My son had a bone marrow transplant when he was 5 yrs. old---he's a high school senior now! I know that chemo can be so nasty. I want you to remember that when you're feel weak, depressed, or just plain yucky, that HE will carry you through all of this! Our true strength comes from Him. I have to share with you our experience with the hair loss. I was so worried he would freak out when his hair started coming out. I didn't know if it would take a long time or what and I didn't want him to be scared. His hair fell out in about a day and a half. The day he woke up and saw some on his pillow, he started laughing. A nurse came in and he reached up and grabbed a handful of hair and held it out to her and said, "Hair-o-gram!" One of his favorite movies at that time was Casper and he was adapting the part where the ghost shares his "smell-o-gram." After that, everyone that came into his hospital room, would receive one--until he was out of hair! I'm glad your boys are handling it so well. I'm glad to learn that bald people can't go to the store! Ha! Ha! You hang in there and keep your beautiful positive attitude. I'm glad you have this blog as I would like to follow you and your treatment. I pray for you every day as I know what you are going through. By the time my son's treatment was done and he was considered cured (which was 5 yrs. out), I had truly learned patience and FAITH!
DooRags! LOL, My aunt decided she was going to buy every DooRag she saw. She had flaming ones, rainbow ones, biker ones, Arkansas Razorback ones- she even bought a Texas Longhorn one, and the rest of the family nearly ran her up the flag pole for it! (Oklahoma Sooner fans). Her favorite was her Harley Davidson DooRag. After she recovered(breastcancer) she had a friend make a quilt out of them. I think she donated it but Im not sure. Anyway, I shave my head, and I think shaved headed people are the coolest on the planet! Prayers from Larned Ks.
In Christian Love,
James Underwood and Family
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