Monday, November 3, 2008

I'm struggling tonight

One day at home and I'm already second-guessing the decision not to go back to school until semester.  I think it's because I feel okay... I feel like I could be doing a lot more than hanging out here.  I know the days will come when I don't feel okay and then I will understand why I made this decision. After talking with my doc on Friday, I knew this was the smart thing to do. I just need to keep reminding myself of the risks that he talked about that go along with being around such a large group of people everyday.  But, today, I miss my students.  I miss being at school with Zach.  Maybe I just miss things being the way they were 3 weeks ago.  

I am so lucky to have such great friends that I've called on tonight to make me feel better.   They have reminded me that it's okay to take care of myself.  My class will be okay, my students will still learn & grow, and things can actually still function even if I'm not there to run the show. Who knew?  

I'll end this post with some stories of my boys.  Zach is a trooper and volunteered to help fold laundry tonight - first time ever!  He also asked me if we could make our own "secret" handshake complete with a hug at the end.  He's such a sweet boy.  And Ryan... this morning he pulled on my hair and asked if that was mommy's hair that can come off - good for a giggle as always.

4 comments:

Dana Tinley said...

Jennifer, Remember, "This too shall pass!" And the most important thing (this was hard for me too) is to not allow yourself to think you can be around alot of people coughing, sneezing, running fever, etc. If your levels drop, the risks definitely outweigh the rewards. Make no mistake, your students definitely miss you, but I have a feeling they understand your temporary absence and cannot wait for your return. You need to be right where you are at. Read books, watch a movie you haven't seen in forever, write, get caught up on organizing etc., but try to stay away from groups. I know, I have been there, but this is a small thing to do to stay on top of your chemo schedule (very important). You can do it, you are a fighter! Stay strong and call your friends, call me, so we can pick you up when you are down. You seem to be handling chemo very well, you are awesome! The Tinley Team is praying for the Allen family....

The Dyers said...

Of course you should be home- for the first time in a long time it is about you! We need you cancer free so that you can go back to those kids and have many more in the years to come. Rest and take advantage of the days that you feel good, there could be days ahead that are not so good, but hopefully not too many.

Your boys are amazing, Michael is a blessing and you deserve all of them- you are inspiring to everyone around you. Call me when you are bored and we can share memories - Sanger, Highland, Hobbs High, Tech (if we can remember any of those)... Love you!

the owensby gang said...

Jennifer,

The Owensby family says hello from Hobbs and we are praying for you!! You will get through this because you are sooooo strong and always have been since you were a tiny little girl! You can call me anytime if you need to or if I can answer any med questions. I showed Keelie a picture of you the other day because she was wondering who you were. It was a picture of us at Deanna's and we looked like we were about 12. Just remember that you can get through this and take one thing at a time.
Love,
Monica

Becca said...

Jennifer, Sometimes, you need to learn to be selfish & I know we think it cannot go on w/out us..at least the right way ;) Right? This is the time for you! Enjoy the good times and feeling well and save them as reserves for when you feel yuck! I watched Oprah the other day (not a big Oprah fan, but still) and it was talking about the Biggest Loser people, and it discussed how moms don't like to take me time and feel guilty and selfish, but it's ok to feel selfish and have your me time! Enjoy the feel good times and take care of you & enjoy the boys doing chores! Yay! I need lessons for mine! Love you & member...I'm just a call away!