Checking in

I am enjoying my coffee this morning... the boys are still asleep and the house is quiet!  It's the perfect time for me to catch up on "me" things.  We had a wonderful Thanksgiving and I hope you all did too.  We've been slowly decorating for Christmas and I feel like it will just be time to take it all down if I don't hurry.  Zach & Ryan have been a great help, they decorated the tree - it looks pretty funny and the ornaments are concentrated on the bottom half of the tree, but that's okay!  

Overall, I'm feeling pretty good.  The jaw pain that I experienced with the last round wasn't as severe this time.  I am experiencing more nausea and learning what I should and should not try to eat for dinner, that's not a fun lesson.  It seems like it gets worse in the evening so I've learned to stick to things like cream of wheat & chicken noodle soup for the past couple of days. It's a lot like the feeling that I had when I was pregnant with Ryan - and I managed my way through that for nine months!

One last note, I had my liver enzymes checked last time I went in for chemo. and just learned that they are all well within the normal ranges.  There is one enzyme in particular that we expected to be a little high as a result of the treatment, and it has actually gone down since we started.  My platelet counts are good too (something else that's a problem for me from time to time).  I feel like I have a lot to be thankful for as those numbers are in check.  Things are good!

Thanksgiving

Well, we haven't posted recently because things have been pretty uneventful, which is just the way we like it.  We don't want to have to post too many updates because that would means things are eventful.  We like the fact that Jennifer is doing pretty well on the side effect front and the meds are working.  We do have to have a post of thanks however.  

We are so thankful for great medical facilities, doctors, nurses, lab techs., medications, and insurance coverage.  I don't want this to turn political, but if you know people that think our medical system is some how broken then invite them to actually spend some time in facilities around our country.  When Jennifer got her first infusion she was placed in a chair right next to a young couple from Canada.  She is taking her treatment in the States because of the state of Canadian medical care.  Let's just say that socialized medicine is not where you want to be if you have a loved one that needs quality medical treatment right now.  

We are very thankful for our friends and family.  We always knew that we were surrounded by people of high character.  The feeling of gratitude that we have for all of our loved ones can not be communicated.  We feel truly blessed to have such amazing people in our lives.  The raffle and party for Jennifer were two of the most obvious events that showed this, but its not just that.  Everyday we have people ask to do things for us.  They ask to take the boys for a few hours, bring dinner to the house, take the boys to and from school, etc.  I was talking to one of our friends and I was trying to thank her for what she had done.  Her response was, "please don't thank me.  We all love Jennifer so much and she is such an amazing person that we feel like this is something we need to do".  Wow!  Yes, we are thankful for our friends and family.

As always I must end with a Ryan story.  Yesterday we went around the table and asked the kids what they were thankful for.  Ryan said that he was thankful for the new bike that Santa was going to bring him.  We told him that we didn't know if that was going to happen yet, but tell us something that you are thankful for that you already have.  His response was classic Ryan.  He said, "I'm thankful that I have a broken bike".  Obviously in 3 year old logic that means he's getting a new one from Santa.  We shall see.

finished with round 2

Today went well! We met with the doctor this morning before my infusion - my white count is at 11,000 which is wonderful. It rebounded on it's own, without the help of any Neulasta ( a shot to stimulate the production of white cells). The Neulasta can cause some pretty severe bone pain so I'm happy to be able to go without it. I won't need it at all if my counts continue to rebound on their own - yay! I have my last round of chemo. on December 12 and then we will start radiation about 2 weeks after that. My doc said that he will repeat the PET scan after radiation - so probably sometime in February. The infusion itself was uneventful. I took a nap for the first hour and a half and then Michael brought me the best chicken noodle soup from the cafeteria. He had to bring some jello for dessert, as nobody gets to have lunch at the hospital without a wonderful jello dessert, right? Tonight I am home & resting...I'm already feeling a little tired & a bit nauseous. We are having a birthday party for Zach tomorrow so I'm getting ready for that (no, it's not at our house thank goodness). I'm guessing that by tomorrow night I'll be ready for lots of rest - and maybe some Tylenol. :)

Today's Lesson; The human spirit is stronger than economic fear

If you've read Jennifer's last post you know about the surprise that we got yesterday. It's an amazing story of generosity, but I would like for you to reflect on the depth of the giving. We are in the midst of the worst economic times in over half a century not to mention Christmas is right around the corner and we all know the madness of gift buying. My sister-in-law, Kim, is the queen of all fund raising. She sells Gold Canyon candles and had decided that she and her team were going to sell candles and donate the proceeds to Jennifer to help with the medical bills. I want you to understand what this means. Selling candles is her job. This is what she does for a living and she's pretty dang good at it. So she is going to use the time that she uses to run her own business and the money that she makes selling her own products and donate that to her sister. I hope you are as amazed about that as I. I didn't even mention the fact that she has 3 kids and the two boys are ginormous and need lots of food.

Then my dad got in on the fun. We have Cowboys season tickets. When I say we, I mean he and I use them. So he decided that he could donate the Thanksgiving day tickets to sell to add to the donations. If you haven't been to a Thanksgiving day Cowboy game then your life isn't quite complete. Now only has it become as traditional as turkey and a nap, but it's the last Turkey Day game ever in Texas Stadium. This is on top of the fact that my dad is a HUUUUUGE Cowboy fan so you must know the depth of love he has to give that up for his daughter-in-law. He told me that he had sold the Thanksgiving tickets and I got a little upset. I asked him who he sold them to and he couldn't give me an answer. That made me even more mad. I kept asking him who he sold our tickets to and he finally made up some lame answer and I just decided to let it go. He's not very good at keeping secrets.

So Kim now has the raffle tickets to take care of on top of the candles. She went to a local printer to have tickets made. She told them what they were for and the printer told her that she would donate not only the tickets but her cost to have another company perforate the ticket stubs. When she sent the tickets off to perforate, that company also donated their service. After hearing that, the printer decided to give the money that they were going to spend on perforation to the cause itself. Please take a minute to wrap your mind around that. The economic climate of today has put business-to-business services in more stress that you could begin to image. Companies are hoarding cash out of fear right now. That means that they are not outsourcing services like printing. So in that environment this company decided that they would donate money to a family that they don't know. That literally brings me to tears. Ultimately, all purchases are made based on value. We all want to buy products and services that we find great value. In a business-to-business service one of the most important qualities of of value is trust. I promise you that I can trust a company that not only would do this for a family but they did it with no expectation of publicity. MINUTEMAN PRESS is a nationwide franchise that I highly encourage you to visit. If you live in the area of DFW I plead with you to use the location on Debbie Lane in Mansfield for any printing service you have. These are the types of people that you want to do business with. I'm sorry that I don't know the name of the company that donated the perforating, but I'll find out and post it.

So now they had to sell the tickets. There were people calling our family members to ask to buy because they had heard about what was going on. I don't know everybody that helped or donated money but I do know that people we haven't seen in years were donating, buying candles, and buying raffle tickets. These people who are afraid of layoffs, a stock market that is anemic, and are looking at the prospect of having a limited holiday celebration but they found a way to donate money. I don't want to thank too many people by name because I'm afraid I would miss somebody, but to those of you that donated time and money to this effort we are so grateful. I truly feel overwhelmed that we have people in our lives that have that type of love in their hearts.

That's all for now, but think about Jennifer tomorrow as we go back for infusion #2. The first few days after treatment were the toughest last time, but we know that it works. It is actually impossible to find little ole' Lumpy anymore. I can't say that I miss him. Deuces~

Surprise!

I have no idea where to begin when it comes to thanking people for their generosity.  Just when I think I have seen more acts of kindness than I could ever imagine, more seem to appear.  I was completely surprised today when I received proceeds from a raffle & candle sales that totaled more than $7000.  I had absolutely no idea that any of this was being done.  I mean, absolutely  no idea at all.  I knew that my sister was an amazing person and I have seen her go out of her way to help other people before.  She has truly outdone herself in coordinating this on my behalf...  her birthday is Saturday and I'm feeling that whatever I get her just won't measure up after today.  :)

To all of you who worked so hard to put this together... thank you is simply not enough.  You have changed my life & the future financial situation of our family.  You have given a tangible example of kindness & generosity that I will make sure my boys always remember.  I want them to know that the world is full of people who are always willing to help, and I want them to someday become part of that community of people.  You are true blessings to me & my family and I am already inspired to "pay it forward"...

We are starting to receive a few bills and we have set them aside.  We were very aware that this was expensive and we were planning to set up a payment plan with Baylor that would probably still have a balance when we reached retirement!  That burden has been lifted and I am forever grateful. 

 I hope that you are smiling as you read this and know that I am thinking of each of each of you as I write this tonight.  If you know of someone who helped and does not read this blog, please pass along my thanks to them.  Yet again, I have felt God's blessings as we go through this journey - and I have seen His work in each of you.

changes

Here it is - my bald head. We actually took this picture the night that we shaved it. Yes, it took me a few days to put it out there for the world to see. I actually couldn't keep the picture of my handsome boy to myself any longer.

I've been trying to decide how I feel about having no hair. I've always had LOTS of hair, got it from my dad... the only man I've ever known who had to blow-dry his hair just to try to keep it all under control. I hadn't cut it in a long time in an effort to grow it out. It was getting long and I was really lovin' it, even though it always ended up tied back before the end of the day. As soon as I knew it wold be falling out, I went and cut about 5 inches off... maybe it was easier to see it go in phases.

I've realized that I am going to think about it as another one of those things that I don't get to have control over. So, I don't think I even get to decide whether I like it or not. It is what it is. My hair is gone and I'm experiencing something that I never would have decided to do on my own. I do laugh when I look in the mirror sometimes, especially when I catch a glimpse and I've forgotten that I'm bald. I laugh when I shampoo my head in the morning and wrap a towel around it just because that's the only way I know to end a shower. I laugh when I turn off the fans and think the house is freezing, only to have Michael remind me to put my hat back on.

Don't get me wrong, though. I'm not running around laughing all of the time. I still haven't gone to Target or the grocery store. No trips to any restaurants. I haven't really ventured too far from home. I used to be able to run around as if nothing was going on. Now, I look like I have cancer.

I'm gearing up for my second treatment at the end of the week. I cannot feel my tumor at all and I know that even the malignant cells that remain will be destroyed in the next month. When I look in the mirror and feel sorry for myself, I thank God that a medicine exists that can get rid of this cancer. My hair will come back but my cancer won't - I guess it's a pretty small price to pay.

Blah!

I woke up with a cold this morning... I've been feeling pretty blah all day.  After talking to my doctor's office, they decided to put me on an antibiotic just in case this cold tries to turn into something else.  I don't have a fever, but my white count is low (as expected at this point in my cycle of treatment) and I guess things can get out of hand if left untreated.  

Michael just took the boys out for pizza and a movie.  They were excited to have some time out with dad.  I'm settling in on the couch - looking for a something good on T.V. - and planning to continue to rest.  Needless to say, it's not going to be an exciting Friday night out for this girl.  

God works in mysterious ways...Michael

I don't know that I've ever communicated these thoughts with anybody other than Jennifer before so you should feel like you are now a part of the circle of trust.  I have always felt very strong in my love for God but there have been times when I just didn't know exactly what it was that made up my belief system.  For the longest time I was a true Deist.  This is the belief that God has a plan for the universe but he will not interject guidance into our lives.  Those that hold this belief feel that God's greatest gift to us is our ability to think and therefore we don't need his guidance to find our way.  This was a oft-held belief of many of the founding fathers of our nation.  I held this belief because I never saw any evidence that he had answered a prayer or changed something.  I guess I wanted to see a burning bush or a parting of the waters before I believed in miracles.  This belief system began to falter about the time our boys came along.  Zach was truly our miracle baby and I know that he and Ryan are blessings that God Himself gave to us.

I started thinking today about all of the events that have led up to where we are now and I can't help but smile about the miracles that are happening around me.  Jennifer finding Lumpy was not impossible, but quite unlikely.  This was more a case of somebody that is quite aware of her body and health and being intelligent enough to know that it wasn't right.  But then the other things just started falling into place.  Our family doc (who I love and think he is great) doesn't have much of a sense of urgency over the lump and wants to do some investigating.  Jennifer isn't happy with this so she proactively goes to our local hospital at night.  They can get her in, they do scans, and have docs there (at night) to read the scans and they both tell her to go to a surgeon at Baylor.  The next morning we call this guy who is apparently is as good as anybody, anywhere and he can get us in within 2 hours.  This guy only offices out of Baylor once a week and we can get in that fast.  He gets us in and puts a whirlwind of things in place that have Jennifer having a biopsy and then chemo within 2 weeks.  When all of this is completed, she will have gone from finding a lump in her leg to completing treatment in exactly 2 months to the day.  One of the oncologists told us that there was no way that we should be in his office that quickly.  He was astonished at the way everything just aligned.  Miracles don't have to be laying hands on the blind and then they can see.  Our miracle was God putting us exactly where we needed to be and with whom we needed to be at just the right times.  

This is a great end to this story.  In Zach's prayer tonight he asked God to help his Mom's hair grow back quickly and then said, "but we know that she loves us so much".  Then after prayers Jennifer asked who wanted donuts tomorrow.  I have a tradition that I go get donuts for the boys every Friday as a celebration for a good week.  I told them, jokingly, that I decided not to do it tomorrow so Zach said that Mom could do it instead.   Then Ryan told Jennifer that she will need to wear her wig because they won't let her in the donut store without hair.  

And then it was gone...

One of the last big unknowns that comes with my experience with chemotherapy was the hair. I never wondered IF it would come out, but wondered when & how it would come out. Last night before bed I gave it my ritualistic tug and was surprised to have a handful of hair. It didn't hurt and it didn't leave a bald spot... but it definitely wasn't normal.

I went to bed wondering what to do. I knew I didn't want to let it fall out on it's own. I've talked to too many friends who have been through it and the advice to shave it was something I was definitely going with. Tonight we talked to the boys and decided that sooner would be better than later, so we set up the barber shop in the bathroom and went to work.

Ryan took the first swipe. He didn't get much but thought it was pretty cool. Zach was our official photographer (you may get to see those someday). They were both interested in helping for about 45 seconds and then it was old news. I knew at that point that they weren't too traumatized by the whole thing, kind of a relief to have them climbing in the tub and touching things they shouldn't... just like any other stay in my bathroom for them. Michael finished up and he did a great job. I didn't even sense any revenge for the haircuts that I've tried to give him over the years. :)

Ryan's first comment was "Mom, you look pretty"... soon followed by "Mom, you look crazy". Zach was full of hugs and immediately wanted me to try on my wig. I think he's been curious about that since the first time he saw it. Michael was a great supporter, as always. He even mentioned that my head wasn't as oddly shaped as we suspected it might be. As funny as it sounds, he knew I needed to hear it. One of the big fears I had was wondering what this head would look like with nothing to cover it up! Overall, all 3 of my boys helped me realize that this was another part of the journey... no freaking out - we just did it together and it was okay. After we finished, we cleaned up & tucked the boys in just like any other night. A true example of how our "normal" has changed over the past month!

Now I'm trying on my hats & learning to tie scarves & bandanas. I'm glad that one more unknown isn't a mystery any longer. I do miss my hair and I'm not going to pretend that I'm completely okay with this new look. It will be fine and I'll figure it out... to put Ryan's thoughts together, tonight I just feel like I look pretty crazy.

Amazing Friends

I knew that I worked in a very special place that was filled with wonderful people. I knew that they were taking care of everything while I was away and I was already so touched by the emails & cards that had come home with Zach. Yesterday was a day that I will never forget... one of those days in which the support that I felt from my friends reached an entire new level.

Kim picked me up around 4:00... I knew I was going somewhere (Michael told me to shower and clean myself up- ha) but I had no idea what was about to happen. She drove me to the neighborhood near my school and as we turned a corner, I saw a house with tons of people standing in the front yard. They were holding a big yellow banner that read "So Long Lumpy" and I couldn't believe that those were all of my friends from school, standing there cheering for me! The word overwhelmed comes to mind, but I don't even think that word can explain the way that I felt. I had been worrying about school, worrying about little things... and here were my friends, letting me know that they were behind me in true Martha Reid Elementary fashion.

Each team took on a different "theme" and the gifts they gave were unbelieveable. We are all set now with gift cards for meals, entertainment for the boys & reading material for me, scarves for my bald head, money to have someone clean my house, and even gas money for our drives to Dallas. I am humbled by their generosity. They have taken care of everything.

Last night I couldn't stop thinking about how blessed I am. I feel that God put me in such a special place at this point in my life and sent these wonderful people to help me through. They were doing what they are best at... taking care of others and somehow knowing exactly how to help. Even in the midst of this obstacle, they make me feel like a very lucky girl.

Waiting.

I felt like I needed to wait to add anything after Michael's post, he's tough to follow. I also waited to add anything because there hasn't been anything to add! :) I had labwork done yesterday to check my cell counts but haven't heard anything yet. Usually no news is good news... we'll see if that holds true.  UPDATE!  All labs are normal, wonderful to hear.

I'm getting used to my new routine and I'm finding that I do need time during the day to rest. My side effects are still pretty minimal... some nausea and fatigue, but I'm learning how to manage that too. Amazingly, "lumpy" is already MUCH smaller than it was just a week ago. I can't believe how quickly the medicine destroyed that tumor. I can still feel it, but I would guess it's less than half of it's original size. Good to know it's working!

I have a long-term substitute coming into my classroom on Monday and that has been a huge load off my mind. Zach has become my courier and takes papers back & forth to school every day, I think that will be a permanent job for him. Thanks to all of you for the cards & emails that you have sent... your words are precious to me and have come just when I needed them!

One more thing. The hair is still there. I'm thinking that I have about one more week, but every day I give it a few tugs to see how it's holding on. ha

Little Things...Michael

To hold true to form, I'm going to write about certain life lessons and NOT keep it light. Remember, I'm a former coach who's sole purpose was to try to influence young boys to grow up to be young men and then left that to become a management consultant.  I am pragmatic to a fault.  

As I sit and watch the maps turn red and blue tonight I started to think about how big this day was in all of our lives.  I then thought about something that a very close friend of mine and one of the very best coaches I ever knew used to stress, if we work hard to take care of the little things then the big things will take care of themselves.  He used this as a coaching tool to teach baseball but it is so true in our lives right now.  Two years ago I decided to leave coaching and go to work in the family business.  It was completely heart breaking and at the same time so exciting.  I couldn't imagine leaving my players, but I couldn't imagine not taking the chance to work with my dad.  So I took a leap of faith and it was the greatest thing I've ever done.  Let me tell you why.  Until 3 weeks ago I got to take Ryan to daycare and pick him up everyday.  How many dads can do that?  I can go to just about every event that Zach is involved, which included coaching flag football this year.  By the way, that was a entire new level of challenge!  So, not only did I get to have a fantastic job where I can learn, teach, and experience things I never knew, but I also got to be the dad that coaching high school football sometimes doesn't allow due to time constraints.  These may seem like little things, but they mean so much to me.  Life was good.  

Then the news came along and I realized why I am in this position in life.  With all of the amazing things that my job affords the single most important reason that I have such flexibility is to take care of Jennifer.  It's one of the little things that I can take care of that leads to the big thing taking care of itself...her complete recovery.  We have been to countless appt's already.  She is going to have to take chemo 3 times and then radiation 20 times and I get to be there with her every time.  I can work from home and still take care of her.  What a great gift I was given to be able to do this for my wife.  Sometimes we take a leap of faith but we have no idea why.  I took the leap to work with my dad and my surrogate RAD uncle, Ron, which has been, is, and will continue to be a tremendous blessing.  However, in the end the greatest gift that I will receive from this is the ability to walk side-by-side with my wife on the toughest journey of her life and come out the other side stronger than ever.  How many people can do this?  How many people out there miss the Dr. app't because they have a meeting, or game, or some pressing issue?  I don't know how many of you believe that God puts us in positions for a reason, but I do and I am so grateful for where I am in my life.  

Last thought, no man has ever sat on his death bed and said he wished that he spent more time at work.  Our jobs are important for so many reasons, but nothing is more important that Faith and Family.  

I'm struggling tonight

One day at home and I'm already second-guessing the decision not to go back to school until semester.  I think it's because I feel okay... I feel like I could be doing a lot more than hanging out here.  I know the days will come when I don't feel okay and then I will understand why I made this decision. After talking with my doc on Friday, I knew this was the smart thing to do. I just need to keep reminding myself of the risks that he talked about that go along with being around such a large group of people everyday.  But, today, I miss my students.  I miss being at school with Zach.  Maybe I just miss things being the way they were 3 weeks ago.  

I am so lucky to have such great friends that I've called on tonight to make me feel better.   They have reminded me that it's okay to take care of myself.  My class will be okay, my students will still learn & grow, and things can actually still function even if I'm not there to run the show. Who knew?  

I'll end this post with some stories of my boys.  Zach is a trooper and volunteered to help fold laundry tonight - first time ever!  He also asked me if we could make our own "secret" handshake complete with a hug at the end.  He's such a sweet boy.  And Ryan... this morning he pulled on my hair and asked if that was mommy's hair that can come off - good for a giggle as always.

Prednisone is not my friend.

Everybody who knows me has heard me talk about how much I hate my prednisone, even the tiny amount that I take every day.  I'm taking about 10 times my normal dose for a few days (part of the chemo) and it has reminded of just how much I don't like it.  Two big reasons why prednisone sucks...  

1.  I'm jumpy and irritable (like I've had way to much caffeine and PMS at the same time)  ha

2. I'm awake at 3 a.m. writing this!

Other than that, I'm doing okay.  One of the weirdest side effects is that I have a really dry mouth, but I have mouth rinses that I'm using and I drink a ton of water so I guess that's a good thing for my system.  I'm a little achy, just kind of like I have the flu.  Nothing else yet!  My family is taking such wonderful care of me... after my mood yesterday I know that Michael has the patience of a saint.  Love that man!!!